After being constantly bombarded with internet advertisements featuring sexually alluring Russian girls who were apparently looking for him, local man, Martin Shuttlecock this morning bit the bullet and sent off an e-mail to a sexy Russian temptress whose on line pic featured some intensely provocative cleavage.
"It said in the ad that there were loads of sexy young Russian women looking for me," Shuttlecock explained. "Anyroad, as the wife was out at work, I just thought I'd check out these sexy young Russian women, just to see what they wanted, and why they were looking for me, like."
Shuttlecock duly signed up to the website and almost immediately was put in contact with 'Tania' from St Petersburg. He then E-mailed Tania and asked her if it was true that she was looking for him, and if so, why?
In a promptly returned E-mail, Tania sent Shutttlecock some revealing pictures of herself which were so graphic in their detail that they caused Shuttlecock's pork pie hat to become temporarily dislodged.
Tania explained that she was a 22 year old gym instructor who had a thing about middle aged British men with northern accents and a beer belly.
"It was very flattering and all that. But in one of the pictures, Tania was so contorted that she could have licked her own bum. I couldn't be doing with that. Not with my back. I get terrible lumbago. I had to let her down gently, and tell her that my days of athletic spine distorting sexual frenzy are long gone. I thanked her for her time, and for the photos, but the truth is, when you get to my age, you'd rather have a meat pie and a nice cup of tea."
More as we get it.