Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a dashingly handsome and outrageously charming 25 year old sex God (ignore that bit - it simply isn't true. He's a right boring old fart really) was today upstaged as he went to buy beer up the local supermarket in order to celebrate his 2000th Spoof News story.
Shuttlecock, dressed to kill in long black leather coat and newly rediscovered pork pie hat went up the shops to buy some beer to celebrate his 2,000 story milestone.
Having selected his choice of alcoholic poison, Shuttlecock made his way to an overcrowded checkout, prepared for a long wait. However, the girl with the thick black moustache opened another till and announced that she too was open for business.
As Shuttlecock placed his purchase of two four packs of Stella on the conveyor belt, prepared to pay with proper cash pennies - this little fat ginger haired wanker leapt in and stuck two bottles of really shit white wine on the belt, whist declaring "I'm next!"
Shuttlecock - normally a notorious gobshite was for once stuck for words. He could only stand by in shocked mode as the fat little short arsed ginger gobshite queue-jumped with his two bottles of really shit wine.
Realising that he had to save face in the teeth of such blatant provocation, Shuttlecock, looking really mean all dressed in black with the leather coat and the pork pie hat, simply scowled at the short arsed ginger wanker with a look that could quite feasibly disembowel.
The little fat cunt glanced up at Shuttlecock and instantly averted his gaze. Obviously embarrassed at being shown up for being a selfish short-arsed ginger knob head, and probably worried that he might be about to receive a Salford slap.
The short arsed ginger homosexual virgin then scuttled off rapidly, like a rat up a drainpipe.
Shuttlecock told us:
"I'm not a violent man. But short arsed arrogant fat ginger bastards don't tend to bring out the charitable side in me. He was lucky today. Had he met my gaze eye to eye I'd have punched his fucking lights out and no mistake."
Long suffering wife, Anne, told Skoob News:
"He's a bastard when he's got a drink in him. A right idiot. That fat short arsed ginger fucker doesn't realise what a lucky escape he's had."
With apologies to any short, fat, ginger people who do behave civilly in supermarkets and wouldn't think of queue jumping. It's cunts like this one who give short fat ginger people a bad name.
More as we get it.