Legendary children's television presenter, leading musician and heroin addict Timmy Mallet (real name Timothy Mallet) attended Buckingham palace today to receive an OBE for his outstanding work in recruiting transsexuals in Dorset.
Sir Mallet has always been active on the lady boy scene and has actively recruited more and more young men over the years with promises of custard cream biscuits and a guaranteed win on his award winning show Whackaday in which Sir Mallet would play a word association game with contestants, striking them viciously if they delayed too long, repeated a previously said word or had watched his collection of specialist tapes and failed to rewind them .
Sir Mallet attended the palace wearing yellow shorts and a green Hawaiian shirt bespectacled with a pair of ocean blue NHS issue glasses which the Duke commented on as being "rather nice." Sir Mallet went on to accept the award and as in royal tradition felated the Prince of Wales while singing the German national anthem.
After the ceremony Sir Mallet was escorted to the central podium and promptly executed with a giant foam hammer much to the delight of the crowd.
One onlooker said "I stole his wallet, it's got three condoms in it and it has a picture of Daly Thompson wearing Hi-Tec trainers"