The Home Office announced today that in a major cost-cutting drive criminals are now to be arrested by e-mail.
Chief Constable Bill Old confirmed the new policy and explained that Police Officers were far too busy filling in paperwork to be able to go onto the streets to arrest people, and so will now rely on the public to tell them when someone's been naughty, and will then send the suspect an e-mail informing them that they have been arrested.
"This is a great stride forward in modern policing" he said. "No longer will police officers have to go out in the rain to arrest horrid smelly people. They can now remain in the police station and do it electronically".
"Not only that, but it's bloody dangerous out there" he added.
The Police Federation welcomed the news and are currently in talks with Mc Donalds about providing a delivery service.