Written by churchmouse
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Topics: Death

Saturday, 2 October 2010

image for Man killed by Intransigence
Mr Smally yesterday

Bank teller Kevin Smally has died of intransigence following a recent raid on HS Natleys bank.

He had been busy sharpening pencils for the manager when an armed gang stormed the High St branch. One of the raiders demanded cash from Mr Smally who refused, saying that unless the raider filled in the appropriate form he would be unable to pass over the money.
Even when a shotgun was pushed in his face he continued to refuse.

One of the raiders Mr Jeremy "Knuckles" Hartington-Smyth said afterwards "He was going on about the need to produce eight forms of i.d. and a DNA sample when I noticed that he had started to choke on his own intransigence. I asked the other members of the bank to call an ambulance, but they said that they weren't allowed to use the phone for non-company calls. So we ended up taking him to hospital ourselves".

Mr Hartington-Smyth went on to say "It astounds me just how sheep-like people have become. Robbing banks used to be something to look forward to. You could interact with people, but now bank staff are so scared to make a decision that all the fun has gone out of it".

At the hospital Mr Smally was placed on a trolley in the A&E Dept to await treatment, but as choking on your own intransigence is not yet recognised as an ailment by the NHS he was unable to be admitted and ten days later starved to death.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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