Naked Chef, Jamie "Terrance" Oliver, was today involved in a bungled bank robbery foiled by ace spy, Delia Smith. Smith, 73, first became suspicious of sprightly Oliver, 15, when they originally engaged in sexual relations four years ago.
"I always thought to myself: It's strange how quickly he picks things up. I mean, it took him 2 weeks to become a better chef than I ever was, and the tantric abilities he had in bed...well...they're undisclosable.
"Then I noticed that he had lots of blueprints of the local bank and when I pressed him about them he'd remark: 'Well, bird, what it is, right, is I'm gonna rob this bank in about four year time. Pukka.'. At that point, I started to suspect that he might rob a bank in about four years time. Which he did."
However, what Delia didn't know was that he would actually perform the robbery "in the nuddy". Not for any obvious reason, but he was totally naked.
Life goes on, and celebrities have their strange crazy flings. Ho-hum.