Written by Xavier
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Thursday, 30 September 2010

image for Government Law to Recycle Graves
Saints and Martyrs at risk of being dug up

The shortage of land for cemeteries has become so acute the Government has now passed a law which allows councils to clear out the bones from any grave where the person was buried over 100 years ago and re-use it. Anyone buried in a re-cycled grave will get a 5% discount on their funeral.

The law allows for the removed bones to be kept for 5 years in case anyone claims them, after that they will be ground up and sold to farmers as fertilser.

A Home Affairs spokesperson said, "After 100 years these bodies are just a load of bones and there are rarely any relatives left to care for the graves. they take up valuable land and it costs money to keep the weeds down."

If successful the government hope to reduce the period gradually until it is just 50 years in 2015. The plan will not apply to MPs, judges or celebrities (above f grade).

A council official from Barnet, north London said that if people didn't like the idea of having their bones dug up and dumped after 50 years they could either go for cremation or donate their bodies for medical research.

Church officials are worried that council officials might turn up at their churches and cathedrals and start digging up saints and martyrs to re-use their graves. A bishop told us, "It's not that we give a sod about the bones, we just don't want the common man or woman buried in our churches - who want's to see the grave of Joe Bloggs, without the saints and martyrs nobody would come to our tea rooms." They are lobbying to add saints and martyrs to celebrities and MPs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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