Written by Trip Nasti
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Wednesday, 29 September 2010

image for Canary Foils Sex Attack
Wrong bird!

A five year old canary, from Leyton Buzzard, has been today awarded the congressional medal of honour for saving his owner from a would be sex attack.

The canary, named Murray, flapped in the face of fear and repeatedly defecated on the attacker until they got fed up and left.

Murray's owner, Brian Whoop, told us about his harrowing experience:

"I were just out in kitchen making a chip butty when all of a sudden I hear a commotion coming from the lounge. When I poked my head around the door I see Murray going berserk, flapping and pooping all over the wife. It was then that I realised it was me and the wife's wedding anniversary, and she had that look in her eye, you know, that she was gonna have her way with me. But good old Murray soon got that idea out of 'er head."

When we asked why Murray had been awarded the Congressional Medal Of Honour, which is generally, "bestowed on members of the United States armed forces who distinguish themselves conspicuously by gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his or her life above and beyond the call of duty while engaged in an action against an enemy of the United States."

We were told that it was just a bit of a laugh.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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