Written by Bill Licks
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Topics: bread, Meerkats

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

image for Compare the Meerkat's Aleksandr Orlov found in loaf of bread
Chop up the meerkat dot com

A food production company has been fined 50 pounds after the star of an insurance comparison website advert was found in a loaf of bread.

Aleksandr Orlov of Compare the Meerkat fame was discovered by a man in Oxford as he was making sandwiches for his children.

Steven Farce had just finished making one sandwich when he removed another slice and found the petrified body of the rodent staring back at him.

'I couldn't believe my eyes' said Mr Farce 'At first I thought it was just another dead mouse but then I realised it was none other than Aleksandr Orlov and by the looks of it, rather than comparing the meerkat, somebody had compressed the meerkat in to the loaf and condemned the meerkat to a doughy death.'

'It made me physically sick' he added 'There's many a time when I've seen Orlov's face on TV that I've wanted to grab hold of its furry throat and batter the fuck out of it with a frying pan but I would never go as far as sticking it in the oven and baking it in a loaf of bread.'

The food production company has apologised to Mr Farce and has promised that it will make sure that no other rodents will be found in anymore of its products.

This is not the first time the company has been fined for producing food containing stars of annoying television adverts.

In January a woman in Glasgow discovered the testicles of the fat opera singer from the Go Compare advert on top of meat feast pizza, and only last month the vocal cords of the bloke who sings the We Buy Any Cars Dot Com adverts were served up to a child from Bristol in a tin of spaghetti in tomato sauce.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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