Manchester, Labour Party Conference: Miliband brothers announce new teen identity to grab more 'Yoof Votes'
After a Leadership challenge that could have gone either way, David Miliband & Ed Miliband already had the notion for the boyband - now known as Dedward - weeks before the result, which saw Ed installed as the new Labour party Leader.
Boyband Jedward, famed for going off in tangents and talking utter bollocks, gave the boys the inspiration to work together and penetrate the youth vote.
Now sporting stupid haircuts and opposite coloured clothes, the pair switched from being drab boring politicians and mimicked their heroes as they held a packed press conference at a burger van on the cities outdoor market.
"Well, we were like visiting our grans" said David - "'Cos it's like really cool, you know reeeeeeeeaaaallly cooooooo-ull to be seen with your gran"
"Yeah, it's like so cool," Ed butted in, "It's even more cooler than like, drinking ice cool water when your living naked in an Eskimos fridge in the middle of winter, even with it turned up to 5"
David continued - "Yeah, chilly man!! grandad owns a tractor too, how coooo-ul is that?" Ammmmaaaaaaazing......Sooooooo, Ed said to me when we were at grans, let's make a song about each other to show no hard feelings at the result and here it is"
[a remake and cover of He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - The Hollies]
D: The road is loo-ooonnnnng,
Butts in - (E: yeah it's a really cool long road, longer than Me mams)
D:with many a winding turn
(E: dontchya love snake belts, SSSSSS!!! now they're coooo-uuuullll)
D:That leads us to who knows where
(E: I got lost in the toilet once, Amaaaaazing)
D:Who knows when
(E: It's all about astronomy and time memorial)
D:But I'm Strooo-nnnng
(E: Yeah, he's amaaaaaaaaazing at table tennis)
D: Strong enough to carry him
(E: I love him, I buy him cheese an onion crisps)
D:He ain't heavy,
(E: David's joined a gym, 40 euro a month, rip off )
D:he's my brother
(E: We bath together at me mams)
"Shudda rapped a bit more, like Madonna on pappa don't preach" David quipped
"Oh god , yeah she's like amaaaazzzzing! She fosters goats too, like from Uganda an stuff! I love her" Ed jumped in
"I mean goats are really cooooo-ull aren't they, eating grass and living in a field" noted David
"Yeah like it's amaaaazzzzing what goats can do, they can make cheese too" Ed Said.
As night fell on a rainy Manchester Evening, Dedward headed off into the night squabbling....
- "no, he who laughs de longest, laughs da loudest"
- "its not right, he who is da loudest at laughin laughs longer"
- "The loudest always gets laughed at longer, longer than da loudest gets da longer laughs"
Just then, a blacked out BMW pulled up and the pair were gunned down in a pool of blood.
"Haha-urgh" said David
"Hahahahaha-urgh" said Ed