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Tuesday, 28 September 2010

image for Eamonn Holmes: Fifth series of Sudo-Q will guarantee everlasting world peace
I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure sudoku doesn't go up to 479...

TV presenter Eamonn Holmes has guaranteed the world will live in an everlasting state of peace if the BBC commissions a fifth series of Sudo-Q.

Holmes, who presented four series of the sudoku / general knowledge based quiz show, believed there had been a "drastic increase in global tension" since the show finished in 2007.

The "This Morning" presenter said the correlation between "increases in terrorist activity and systematic state-sanctioned violence" and the cancellation of his show was "certainly no coincidence".

"Statistics show that criminal activity is lowest in communities where Sudokuists are most prevalent" said Holmes. "There is a huge difference in the crime rates of South Central Los Angeles and Royal Tunbridge Wells. It doesn't take a genius to work out that reason is Sudoku".

Holmes has faced criticism by some who accuse him of "specious reasoning" and those who have pointed out his continuous application of emotional blackmail to get new series, citing previous public comments such as "not commissioning a new series of "Jet Set" will make angels cry" and "replacing me with Phillip Schofield is tantamount to spitting in the eye of the one who gave his life to save your sins".

"I know I have promised world peace before every Sudo-Q series has been commissioned" continued Holmes "but the truth is - peace is only guaranteed while would-be terrorists and insurgents are distracted by logic-based number puzzles. In essence, the fate of humanity lies in the hands of those who want to reject my reasonable, peaceful solution for the planet."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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