Half of the UK's workforce ground to a halt today, including yours truly, as the population were confined to beds.
Manflu, also known as "Extremely Fatal Disease" to men, and "Non-existent phenomena for a day off" to women, struck us all down, leaving us coughing into our palms and buying up Lidl's stock of tissue paper.
Even the Royal family were caught in the grips of terror, as Prince Charles admitted "Cough... splutter.... bacon... cough... mummy?"
Rest assured people. Whilst the number of sufferers will most likely grow with the coming of the Ryder Cup this weekend, the number of sufferers will decline following Europe's win.. or fluctuate following a loss.
Medical Advisor for the Manflu Board of Medics, Alicia Brelsford, was quoted as saying:
"I fully support manflu and advise you all to make cups of tea for sufferers. These workers are suffering! I'm in no way being paid to do this!"