Experts, patriots and, frankly, anyone with a lick of sense is falling to their knees and thanking their Higher Power that the Colonist rebels managed to win independence over England, for any one of a thousand reasons.
Add "Dogging", and we're at 1,001.
Combining the idiocy expressed by most Europeans with exhibitionism, and more internet bandwidth than sense, dogging is sweeping the land responsible for warm beer, eel pie and Simon Cowell, dogging consists of f--king some dog-faced member of the Kingdom (hence 'dogging') in a car, and inviting more Europeans over to watch.
"Dogging is the broad term used to cover all the sexual outdoor activities that go on," says the dogging FAQ at Melanies UK Swingers, a popular dogging site. "This can be anything from putting on a show from your car, to a gangbang on a picnic table."
(Editor's note: I just threw up in my mouth a little.)
"Anyone want their wife covered in cum," offers one of the ads on a United States dogging website. "Let's make it happen. I can go multiple times in a night and will make it worth your while. I am available for just about any situation so let me know what you are wanting/thinking and we can make it happen."
"Technology is vital and is the main driver of the dogging phenomenon)," says some European guy who meets English chicks online and then bangs them while other losers points their iPhone at the hideous sight. "Dogging is so prevalent, 60 percent of U.K. country parks are affected by it."
"I think it's jolly-good fun," said a woman who increases her chances of getting anonymous meat stuck in her by posting semi-nude photos of her granddaughter in her dogging profile. "Pip, pip, cheerio. Rest your bollocks on my gob, Governor?"
"Sex in public feels so right. Honk your horn. It's a dogger's delight," go the lyrics to "Dogging," a new single produced by some 'artist', whose sh-t music would go otherwise unnoticed. "We are a collective of sexual anarchists born of the Internet."
"I've seen a few of the videos," said President Barack Obama. "It's not a disgusting as felching, but it's close."
"We'll start carpet-bombing at Wembley, and continue until England is a steaming pile of rubble," continued the president. "Wait, my advisors tell me most of England is already a steaming pile of rubble. Nevermind."