A leaked report from Crispin Blunt's office alleges that up to 67% of England's prison officers are gay.
The report found that men, in particular, were attracted to the post because of three main reason:
1: They are lacking authority at home and having been bullied at school they yearn to exercise 'power' over men they would normally run away from.
2: The enjoy conducting strip searches and looking at other men's willies and having naked men totally under their power.
3: They find wearing a police lookalike uniform sexually stimulating with boots, helmet and stave appearing in their masturbatory fantasies.
Psychologist, Heedy Twist, told me that it was common for sexually inept, homosexual, bullied men to seek positions of power where they can conduct their fantasies with the backing of the law; "many are too immature or frightened to actually carry out their fantasies in the real world so they seek the shelter of a job which allows them access.
A spokesman said, "Well love, it's not up to us to tell our staff how to behave. If they are naughty boys then they deserve a slap across the bottom."