Local man Kevin Nobbart was presented with the keys to a shiny new Ford Focus yesterday. The car was the first prize in the High St Motors grand raffle.
A delighted Mr Nobhard (Who already has a company car of his own)attended the High St Motors showroom with his dowdy wife Sharon (Who has one of those little Audis) to collect his prize. "I am absolutely over the moon" he said. "I never thought that I would win".
The new car boasts an array of optional extras and came complete with a years road fund licence and a full tank of fuel, although it was impossible to know if it was insured. There certainly wasn't an insurance company sticker in the window.
Nobhead, who unlike many other people who had bought up to 14 tickets, and their girlfriends who had bought at least 5, won the car when his one and only ticket was drawn last Thursday. He now has the luxury of a choice of cars to use each morning, unlike some of us who have to take the bus to The Spoof offices each day and get piss-wet through while waiting for it, because the clutch on their Vauxhall Astra is fucked.
He was handed the keys by Mr John Carman, the Managing Director of High St Motors whom I'm sure he went to school with. Not the same year, but they may well have met, and it wouldn't surprise me one little bit if they were related by marriage.
A celebratory glass of champagne was drunk before the Knobheads skulked off in their new possession. A public spirited member of the public tipped off the police that the driver had been drinking but they failed to arrive in time to arrest the bastard.
All the reporters at The Spoof send their congratulations.