Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: Shopping, Signs

Monday, 27 September 2010

image for Fake Signs Cause Town Centre Havoc
Duped. He only came out for a kebab, but left with a weeks worth of pasties and cakes.

Shoppers in High Wycombe were sent in to a tizzy on Thursday last, when jokers put up a myriad of fake signs in the town centre.

Local man Billy Bunce was astounded. "I was astounded," he said.

The first sign was noticed pointing to a large building, telling prospective shoppers that an all day breakfast was available inside, at just £1.99, coffee included.

However, upon entering the building they discovered that it was in fact the Town Council Planning Office. "I was really looking forward to a value bacon breakfast, but all I walked out with was permission to put up a shed in my garden. I don't even want a bloody shed," said Margaret Bliss, one of the duped victims.

Harry Farmville, a 52 year old travelling salesman, was conned by a sign on the outskirts of the town centre. He told us "I was looking for Beaconsfield and was doing quite well, but as I turned in and parked up, I saw the shop fronts had 'High Wycombe' on them. And I kept seeing work vans with Wycombe trading names. It dawned on me I was in the wrong town." The delay caused Mr Farmville to lose a potential sale of bicycle saddles.

We heard other, shocking, stories of people who were duped in to buying all manner of unwanted items at a jumble sale. Carol Bandersnatch told us "I followed a sign for discounted jewellery. 50% off all day it said! When I walked in it was just jumble everywhere. I got out as quick as I could, but not before I'd been forced to buy a floral patterned dress and some pot pourri in a handmade basket."

An unidentified man in his early thirties was seen running from the same sale holding a newly purchased floppy giraffe toy with a missing eye and a pair of Gola daps, three sizes too small for him.

Lenny Runcorn, a retired street sweeper, was duped in to having a yoga class. "I saw a huge sign advertising a model fair. I'm a bit partial to the railways, and I've got a scale model of the Southwell-Mansfield line in my attic. Anyway, after going in, I realised I was in a yoga class. Before I could say 'whoops, my mistake' I was in a leotard being bent all up and under, something wicked!"

Town officials have refused to comment on the misleading signage. A source close to the council, who refused to be named, told us "they won't admit it, but I think it was an inside job. Talk around the offices is all about increasing footfall throughout the town. I believe this to be a cunning way of forcing shoppers into town, and to spend their money!"

The signs were later removed by police and council highways workers and dumped along the M40.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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