Written by Elizabeth
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Topics: Driving, Cameras

Thursday, 19 May 2005

image for Traffic Cop ‘Gatso-way' With It.
The unmarked police car next week

A traffic cop, who was caught at speeds of between 158 and 160 miles per hour by the newly installed Gatso cameras on the M4, has been cleared of reckless driving today by Judge Ayrton Schumacher at The Old Bailey and can resume his duties of making Britain's roads a safer place by bringing speeding motorists to justice with immediate effect.

Walking free from court, the smug police office, who cannot be named for fear of reprisals, claimed it was "all in the line of duty" after being wagered £5 by his Chief Constable that the unmarked police Vauxhall Vectra could not get above 157 miles per hour and that the identity of Jack the Ripper would never be known.

"It was well known round the station that he had installed a flux capacitor in the Vectra prior to the incident," said a police insider. "He is a huge fan of the "Back To The Future" film trilogy and had spent several years replicating the device in order to travel forwards and backwards through time with the intention of cracking famous unsolved cases, in particular The Whitehall Murders. The bet was the perfect opportunity for him to test drive it."

"This is the first recorded instance of time travel being used as a form of due diligence defence in a British court case," said Joshua Rozenberg, the BBC's legal correspondent. "If we travelled back to a week last Thursday, this line of defence would not have been thought at all probable, yet if we travelled forwards in time from then to this time next week, it'd be common knowledge."

The turning point in the case came when expert witness for the defence, Dr. Who, explained the theory of time and relative dimension in space. "I've never been called on to give evidence under oath before and was really nervous," said the Doctor. "My two hearts hadn't beat that fast since my wedding to Billie Piper in 3056."

Professor Stephen Hawking, inventor of the black hole and popular author of children's physics books, would not comment, not even in his pretentious, robotic American accent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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