The Head of the UK Homosexuals - technically the most powerful gay in the Westminster village - has criticised the exams that people have to pass to become homosexual.
He said that the exams - known as Gay Levels - have become too easy and as a result standards in homosexuals had dropped. "We are seeing a dramatic drop in the calibre of homosexual in this country - and we are now lagging behind other countries such as France, Canada and even India"
There are three gay levels that any aspiring homosexual needs to take: interior design, fashion (including personal hygiene and self image) and waspish sense of humour. "Previously you needed to have been to public school and then Cambridge or Oxford to stand a chance of success. You were examined on things such as the lbw law in cricket and pipe tobacco. It was decided that this was too elitist and the exams were made easier and more populist."
The sorrowful senior gay continued: "Now we have reached the situation where anyone can be gay. If we are not careful we will find that it is not regarded as anything out of the ordinary to be homosexual"