Written by Bill Licks
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Topics: BBC, Cats, BBC News

Friday, 24 September 2010

image for Cats compete to get Most Popular news story on the BBC website
'Feel sorry for me you heartless bastards'

Cats from all over the world are now competing with each other to get their story of alleged cruelty to be the most read on the BBC's news website.

Attention seeking moggies are literally falling over themselves to make their owners look like the most sadistic, evil fuckers on the planet in an attempt to get five minutes of fame and have more people read about them than Irish terrorist threats, Facebook crashes or even Lindsey Lohan being sent back to prison again.

The latest 'victim' is a two year old cat from Swindon who claims it has been dyed pink by its owner and then thrown over a fence into a garden. The cat, who is coincidently named Pink also posted a video if itself walking around a cage looking distressed, just to prove the story wasn't a complete load of bullshit.

Millions of internet users across the globe have now read the story and already a Facebook page in support of the cat has been set up titled 'Kill the cat spraying cunt and spray his/hers testicles/vagina pink or maybe throw acid in their faces instead or something.'

Other wannabe famous cats are set to jump on the 'poor abused pussy' bandwagon by pulling even more ridiculous stunts in an effort to get to number one in the BBC news charts.

A six year old Tortoiseshell from Wigan is already trying to work out how to operate the microwave from the inside, whilst a three year old Persian from Ashford is learning how to spell so it can shave the words 'KICK ME' into its fur with an electric razor.

A spokesperson for the RSPCA said 'We can't understand why cats are doing this too themselves just to ruin their owners lives. Maybe they're just not getting enough attention or perhaps they're just sick of having to eat tins of Kitekat Rabbit and Lamb in Gravy every day.'

'Maybe they should do something worthwhile for a bit of fame instead like saving their owners from a house fire or running for leadership of the Labour party.'

'Actually, on second thoughts, being beaten by one of the Miliband brothers would be more humiliating than being thrown in a fucking wheelie bin by a middle-aged bank worker, so I can't imagine any self-respecting cat would sink that low for some publicity.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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