London - (Reuterus): This morning's headcount of professional Beckham impersonators and stunt doubles has produced a squeaky-clean sheet.
Rippling six-pack hunk Andy Harmer - renowned for his ball-handling skills as featured in Sky One's LA with the Beckhams - is definitely off the hook (er?).
Scores of others, including Darren Green, Darren Grey, Jamie Windsor, Karolie Morris, Paul Mansley, Shaun Campbell and other topnotchers - all from a leading 'beware of imitators' agency - are also in the clear.
"We're looking for a light-skinned 165lb, 6ft Caucasian male, probably new to 'the beautiful game' and sporting fake. peel-off tattoos," forensic defamation attorneys Sue, Yerbuttoff, Pal Inc sources commented today.
"Copper-bottomed, eh?" celebwatch site LA FagHagSlag editor Dave Skank chuckled as the morning's headlines rolled out in cyberspace.
"Reckon he's been set up by the cops?"
Irma La Douche is 69.