Prime Minister David Cameron has unveiled his latest weapon in his fight to fix Broken Britain - former TV presenter Jimmy Saville.
The silver-haired octogenarian, famous for his children's show "Jim'll Fix It" will set to work this week by tackling urban Britain's violent knife crime culture.
While Labour opposition has criticised the Prime Minister for what they see as a populist gimmick, Cameron insisted that Saville was the perfect man for the job.
"Young urban children need someone they can relate to and respect," he said "and Jimmy has been rocking the tracksuits and gold jewellery longer than anyone".
Saville revealed he agreed to take on the role after Cameron sent him a nice letter stating his wish for a better Britain alongside a lovely coloured-in drawing of Saville himself. A formal meeting followed, during which Cameron sat on Saville's knee and discussed his wish in detail. By the end of the meeting, the television and radio legend was so impressed he gave the Conservative leader a medal from his "magic chair"
"Meeting Jimmy was a dream come true for me" added Cameron "and I know he will have a similar impact on the underage binge drinkers, feckless pregnant teenagers and anti-social violent urban gangs"