Written by j.w.
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Topics: London, Banks

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

image for Fear & Panic in the City
Cable's Bank Raid

Bankers, white faced with terror, are reeling from the onslaught from Vince Cable and Nick Clegg against their bonuses.

Cable, sensing blood, is on the warpath: 'I am very angry with the Banks. If they go on giving themselves bonuses I will be absolutely furious.'

However, a tactical approach is being made to the problem. Very few people are aware that Vince Cable's Bank account has suddenly been reduced through an inadvertent error.

'We are seeking to put things right' said a Bank employee facing redundancy 'but I doubt if I can manage to sort out the problem before I leave. But Mr Cable can rest assured that his money is safe with us and he will be paid when we sort out the paperwork which is being drastically reduced in a cost saving exercise.'

'I will tax the Banks until they scream and shout' warned Cable undeterred by these underhand tactics.' But fears are growing that the LibDem leadership are taking massive bribes from betting cartels and are going to make huge sums of money when the LibDems leave the Government. The timing is crucial and Vince Cable is in secret talks to ensure he is paid in cash since he is afraid to put his money in a Bank.

Pleas to Clegg to give him a leg up have fallen on deaf ears. 'We only have to wait and see' advised Clegg 'in the end we will be victorious. It will be the end if we are not. But never fear, our Tory friends would never let us be cast into oblivion.'

Cable has a further weapon up his sleeve. Bank raids which are likely to be successful with the Police being reduced in number and already unable to deal with Bank robberies due to so many cats being thrown into dustbins.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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