Queen Elizabeth of Great Britain has converted to Catholicism.
Her Majesty's subjects learned the news when Buckingham Palace issued a statement.
Those subjects who are Catholic rushed out on to the streets where they fell to their knees in prayers of gratitude.
Her Protestant subjects closed their windows and locked their doors and, dressed in mourning black, they wept.
Part of the Palace's statement read: 'Her Majesty has contemplated such a conversion for several years. In fact, since she watched the mini-series, 'The Thorn Birds', on television and learned what sexy and sexual beast a Catholic priest can be. Her Majesty's decision is therefore sex orientated."
Heir to the Throne, Prince Charles, issued a statement immediately after that of the Palace. He said that, as he could not accept that an 84-year-old has nothing but sex on the mind, he has decided to claim the Throne and send his mother into exile. He has therefore started negotiations with Mohamed Al-Fayed to buy Villa Windsor in Paris where her uncle, David, Duke of Windsor, had spent his exile.
In a statement to the media, Mr.Al-Fayed said that he has agreed to sell the villa to Prince Charles.
"To show that I bear no animosity towards old German women, I will send a dozen well-endowed young studs to the villa each month," he added.
The Queen' daughter, Princess Anne, the Princess Royal, has now asked her brother if she could join their mother in Paris.