Shock as a deadly new disease promises to cause thousands of sore heads; a million runny noses and an excuse for pupils to skive school: Pope Flu is heading for the UK.
The deadly new flu is thought to have begun after the Pope was seen coughing during the Mass in Birmingham. With 50,000 people watching eagerly for the Pope to bless them (and maybe start a Mexican Wave); the Mass could easily become a breeding ground which will take the UK by storm.
Scientist are yet to start working on an antivirus (thought to contain Holy Water approved by Jamie Oliver). However, the Everton football club have supported the new disease as it means they could pick up their first win of the Premier League season.