Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, currently recuperating from a broken thumb, a suspected broken arm, a cut eyebrow, a 'both ends' mystery virus, a probing lady doctor and most recently, a purple toe - sustained by a falling Le Creuset casserole dish, was, according to all reports, 'well pissed off today.'
As long suffering wife, Anne went out to work, Shuttlecock decided to amuse himself by logging on to popular satirical website www.theSpoof.com in order to hopefully have a giggle or two to deflect attention from his throbbing toe.
To Shuttlecock's surprise, as he turned on his trusty laptop, he was instantly assailed by a series of seriously dodgy pop-up advertisements offering discounted nude pictures for sale of celebrity starlet teen idols, such as Miley Cyrus, Emma Watson, and Selena Gomez.
Puzzled as to how such a strange occurence could occur on such an honourable institution as the internet, Shuttlecock shuffled to the fridge and poured himself a cold one, as he determined to think the whole thing through.
Eventually, he navigated away from the insidious pop-up ad and went directly to his favourite website in all the world, theSpoof.com
Where he posted a couple of bullshit stories about the Pope,
George Michael, and eccentric English film producer/director Buffty Ginslinger.
Then Shuttlecock got offended.
"Too fuckin' right I was offended," he snarled. (Uncharacteristically - he's normally a gentle soul, apparently.) "Why the hell would I want any pictures of these young women? Much less nude ones? They're just bits of kids as far as I'm concerned. For Chrissakes I've got a daughter older than them. It made me feel like a real sleazeball when these pop-ups popped up. Like the time I was playing internet chess and a big muff popped up on screen as I was trying to play me way out of check. I didn't ask for this crap."
At which point Shuttlecock realised that his firewall subscription had expired.
"Oh shit," he groaned. "The wife's gonna fucking kill me if she ever gets wind of this."
More if Shuttlecock survives the night.