Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 17 September 2010

image for Yom Kippur omen as giant Turin Shroud-shaped cloud hovers over Hyde Park
Knights Templar grand master Jacques de Molay's torture- wracked body appears on the shroud

London - (Benny & The Jets News): An Eve Of Atonement Cumulo-Nimby formation has been spotted sizing up the Pope's rostrum in Hyde Park.

Located close to Tyburn the vigil arena is slap bang in the middle of London's famous gallows site where criminals were once traditionally put to death.

The lush royal acres are hosting Saturday's Yom Kippur papal prayerfest - despite a raft of ancient bylaws banning this kind of popish nonsense.

Park Lane residents' fears about open air ritual sacrifice and incense-burning mishaps are already at an all-time high - 'without having to deal with that bleedin' Shroud hoax hovering over our heads', in the words of local rabbi Benny Fluffenberger.

Recent carbon dating tests of the Turin Shroud confirmed such disquiet amid evidence that it depicts Knights Templar Grand Master Jacques de Molay, executed on Pope Clement V's orders for getting too uppity.

The 23rd Templar commander was born on 18 September 1250 and was burnt at the stake in 1314 after successfully bankrupting the Holy See and the French King Philippe-Le-Bel.

Any karmic reprisals in Hyde Park tomorrow in the form of acts-of-God thunderbolts, tornadoes, twisters etc would be a very told-you-so kind of payback.

Papal wet-nurse Monsignor Gangswine is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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