Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Pope, Ice Cream

Thursday, 16 September 2010

Crowds of disappointed ice cream fans were turned away by police in Edinburgh today after mistaking the Pope Mobile for an ice cream van and the Pope for an aproned Italian ice cream vendor.

One man said "I queued up for hours in the sun, hoping to get a Cornetto, only to find that it wasn't an ice cream van at all but a visiting Italian head of state with a German accent. To make matters worse, when I got to the front of the queue, he told me not to be so secular."

Another Catholic woman, who had her sixteen children with her, said "I wanted to get my kids some 99s, you know, the ones with the Cadbury flake chocolate, but instead of dispensing cool dairy products and a verse of "Just One Cornetto", the man behind the till delivered me a sermon about being more Catholic. Who does he think he is? The Pope?"

Political observers have admitted that the Pope's visit isn't going according to plan, starting with a Cardinal colleague describing Britain as a Third World country, a remark which caused universal amazement coming from someone who has lived most of his life in Italy. Another scandal involved Pope memorabilia which are being sold at extortionate prices to gullible people. The ice cream scandal may be the last straw.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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