All doubts about the supernatural powers of the Pope have been dispelled by a series of extraordinary events that have coincided with his visit to Scotland.
The Pope kissed a baby which then sprouted angelic wings and flew into his arms. 'A bit young for me' the Pope said to his mother who was in tears.
Scotland was struck by a strange light from the sky and shooting asteroids celebrated in the heavens making a sign 'Gays Out Out Out.'
The Pope's mobile home flew like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang as he scattered condoms confiscated from the sinful into outer space.
An agressive atheist knelt in shame at the Pope's feet and received a deserved kicking by the Pontiff before being taken away in a fire which descended from Heaven to consume him.
Crowds stood amazed when, with a twist of Pope Bendict's tongue Britain was transformed from a 3rd world country into the next world.
The Government announced that they dug religion and decided to drop Trident onto some country or other which was threatening our annhilation.
All in all it was a fab day in Popeye's visit. Tomorrow should be even better after a meal of the best Scottish spinach mixed with steaming porridge and haggis.
'I won't be happy' said Alex Salmond, Scotland's first Minister 'until the Pope has transformed our football team so that it becomes a 3rd world contestant.'