Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 16 September 2010

image for Local Man Left Hopping Mad After Bizarre Accident
Martin Shuttlecock Putting A Brave Face On Things As Usual.

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was this morning left literally hopping mad following a bizarre domestic accident, involving a heavy cast iron Le Creuset casserole dish.

Shuttlecock explained that he had gone to the dresser in the kitchen to get something, and had moved the casserole dish to one side, when it suddenly fell off and landed on his right foot.

Long suffering wife, Anne, who was on the phone at the time, just by way of a change, rushed to the kitchen to see what all the kerfuffle was about.

She takes up the story:

"I had to laugh. The silly bugger was hopping about in the kitchen, shouting, screeching and cursing, like men do when they have to endure a bit of pain. Once I'd stopped laughing, and realised the seriousness of the situation, I rushed immediately to check that the casserole dish hadn't been damaged. Thankfully, it was okay."

Shuttlecock then went into a prolonged and totally unnecessary sulk, growling at Anne that she wasn't effin funny as she goaded him with offers to dance, kick a ball about, or go for a jog.

Shuttlecock is currently recovering quietly at home with a can of Stella Artois - purely for medicinal and pain management purposes. He groaned:

"It's not my year this. Me thumb's still black from when I broke it, then I got this virus - which I swear I caught off Anne, the cow - and had to endure a lady doctor doing unspeakable things to me, and now a fucking casserole dish that's as heavy as a bastard anvil drops on me toes from a height of three feet. I've just had a look at me toe, it's turning black already. Still, on the plus side, I suppose it matches me thumb. Stupid place to put a big heavy casserole dish anyway."

As we left, Shuttlecock's cat was trying to sit down on his injured toes, but he told it in no uncertain terms to "Fuck off!"

He loves the cat really, we were assured by neighbours.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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