Zig-a zig unghhh - Mel B., formerly known as Meathole Spice of the Spice Girls, who is currently paying the rent by starring in "Peep Show" on the Las Vegas strip, selling exercise videos and being a mom to her child with Cash-Cow alleged Bi-boy Eddie Murphy*, is now being sued for exposing her beaver.
The beaver, a nocturnal, semi-aquatic 16-year-old bundle of rabies named Fluffy, was taken into custody by the Las Vegas SPCA police, after cops received a call from a anti-fur non-profit organization that was definitely not PETA, saying the rodent was left unprotected in the Vegas heat.
That some people refer to vaginas as beavers? Bizarre, right? Who knew?
That Mel B. is actually only 51, and has a smoking body.
"A rabid, furry beaver belonging to 'singer' Melanie Brown was taken into custody today," said a representative from some other organization, and definitely not PETA. Not PETA at all. "Her beaver, which seems to be infected with at least one beaver-specific disease, was left out in the sun for at least four hours."
"Beavers, especially a beaver as old as Mel B.'s, can not be exposed, as hers was," explained non-PETA member Peter Earl Thomas Anderson, a local beaver doctor. "Just a few minutes in the Vegas heat can render it terribly smelly, lethargic, and drooling. No one; I repeat, no one, wants to be exposed to an overheated, odorous, diseased beaver like Mel B.'s"
Mel B., 56, refused comment on this story. Mel is currently battling Eddie Murphy for custody of their daughter, whom Mel named "Retirement Fund Murphy-Brown", as well as battling gravity and the aging process.
*Allegedly, allegedly, a-f--king-legedly, already. I'm sure that in 1997, when Murphy was caught by West Hollywood police with Atison Seiuli, a transvestite hooker in his car, he really did just stop to "help a person crying." All the rumours are untrue, and everything his wife alleged during their divorce was bullsh-t, and when 21-year-old Atison Seiuli died in 1998, it really was an accident.