Written by Bill Licks
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Tuesday, 14 September 2010

image for Hampstead Heath now safe to go to at night
Hampstead Heath - A George Michael Free zone for 4 weeks only

Londoners in the NW3 area were celebrating today as they discovered the joys of being able to walk on Hampstead Heath at night without any strange Greek gentlemen approaching them for some adult fun.

The news of George Michaels imprisonment was marked by a group of local people taking a midnight swim in the lido, followed by a visit to the public toilets where they were able to urinate without having to worry about someone singing 'I want your sex' from the cubicle next door.

Dan Mitchell, an advertising executive from Kilburn said 'I love to walk my dog on the heath but as soon as it gets dark I normally avoid the place like the plague because I know if I bend down to use my pooper scooper, I'll be grabbed from behind by a hairy Greek bloke singing 'Wham, Bam I am a man' which is the last thing you want to hear when you're trying to pick up some dog shit.'

Harvey Jones-Smyth a lawyer from Highgate added 'After a hard day in the office I like to go for a jog to wind down, but when I stop to have a drink from the water fountain at the top of the Heath I often get a Greek sausage shoved in my mouth at the same time and I'm ordered to 'Take me to the edge of heaven' by its owner.'

'But for the next four weeks I'll have the 'Freedom' to run wherever I want safe in the knowledge that I'm not going to get a mouthful of Greek yoghurt anymore.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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