Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Coffee, Sainsbury's

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

image for Sainsburys Coffee Injures 55
No burned lips at Starbucks, just burned wallets!

Sainsburys has been criticised after several people were hurt when they drank coffee from an instore drinks machine, it has been reported.

Fifty-five shoppers had decided to take a break from the rigours of shopping, and plumped for a drink of coffee. This was their undoing.

Thirty of their number immediately burned their lips on the piping hot, cheaply-produced inferior quality coffee. Another 24 received injuries to their feet when they dropped their cups, later claiming they had never tasted such rotten coffee in all their lives.

Six people were taken to hospital. Others were treated at the scene. One of them was even treated at the scene to a cup of tea and a cream cake!

The store concerned, at Farnborough in Hampshire, was attended by fire crews who, when they arrived, were rather disgruntled to find that there was no fire.

Apparently a ruptured pipe caused the coffee to taste like shite. The store was evacuated but has now reopened.

Eyewitness Sue Smith said: "As I came along I saw a group of shoppers coughing and spluttering. One woman screamed and threw her coffee down to the floor. It went everywhere.

"I saw a lady with her hand up at her face looking down... but I wasn't sure what had happened. I'm not much of an eyewitness, am I?"

Another person who was there, John Loafer, said:

"I'd only gone down there to get some points added on to my Nectar card. I saw these people with horrific coffee-related injuries, and decided to have a look inside the machine. You could see it was all mangled. Like my brain."

A spokesman said:

"Colleague and customer safety is our main priority, not worrying about how good the coffee is!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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