Print this
Topics: London, Welsh

Tuesday, 10 May 2005

image for Wilkinson's grandmother included in Lions squad
Betty Wilkinson at home yesterday

Tuesday 10th May. London. Clive Woodward was at the centre of another selection storm this morning after naming Jonny Wilkinson's granny in his tour party for New Zealand. Outraged Welsh and Scottish supporters vowed to now support the All Blacks during their three tests against the British & Irish Lions in June.

Woodward has already been accused by some quarters of favouring English-based players over their Celtic counterparts, despite England's poor showing in their last two six nations campaigns. The news comes just a day after Mrs Wilkinson's more famous grandson was named in the squad despite not having played for England since kicking the now legendary winning drop goal in 2003's World Cup Final.

"I've been monitoring Betty's progress," said Sir Clive, "and I've been very impressed. She's overcome her hip replacement operation beautifully and she even made it all the way back from bingo without a zimmer frame last Tuesday. She fully deserves to be on the plane. We do need another specialist blind-side flanker and Mrs Wilkinson is such a player - and she's not a bad kicker either."
When asked about his decision to take Mrs Wilkinson rather any Scottish players Woodward suddenly became very animated,
"Have you seen Scotland play?" he scoffed angrily, "anyway Betty's been through two world wars - we'll need her experience against the bad guys Down Under."

Betty Wilkinson who plays her club rugby for Gateshead Ladies Over 60s was delighted but somewhat shocked by the late call-up. At 83 she becomes the third oldest member of the squad, after Neil Back and Lawrence Dallaglio, but is still determined to gain a test spot.
"My first priority is to survive the flight," she said, "then it's to make the mid-week side. Richard Hill is a great player so it's going to be tough to dislodge him but I'll give it my best. I've got my eye on a place in the test side"

Irish captain and Lions skipper Brian O'Driscoll welcomed the move,
"If she's anything like Jonny it's brilliant for the side, you know. Even if she doesn't play I've heard she makes a great Victoria Sponge."

Make Sir Charles Cheese-Cake's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 5?

9 23 16 25
35 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more