Edinburgh - (Premature Evacuation News): A hapless Parisian onion seller had to be surgically extracted from the singer's larynx this afternoon.
Firemen fought for half an hour before bringing in an oxy-acetylene torch to remove the intrusive dork.
Afterwards Boyle was said to be still feeling 'a little whorse' and made the decision to pull out prematurely from Thursday's gig.
She will now be replaced by Lady GaGa who will sing Sympathy For The Devil for the Pontiff.
The drama started at breakfast when Boyle said she felt a slight choking sensation followed by a whiff of garlic.
By lunchtime it was serious - but a call to NHS Direct quickly allayed her worst fears by suggesting a quickie sloosh out with strong mouthwash.
"That's when she discovered the wee little bugger, foraging his way down the esophageal tract," neighbor Betty Batty commented.
Firefighters, called in to deal with the unwarranted intrusion, eventually left Boyle with a makeshit - er...makeshift! - cattleprod in case of any recurrence of the problem.
Simon Cowell is 69.