Edinburgh - (Portents): Will Mrs Ratzinger actually show at the airport on Turdsday to welcome nutty wackjob spouse Pope Joe Ratzinger?
An expert in satanic possession said today ancient curses have hexed such a meeting, citing the Turd Secret of Fatima as his source.
"Fucking cheek, the pair of them," Prof Einstein McFlintstone remarked today.
"Where the fuck is the head of Oranised Crime Policing during the nation's darkest hour?"
Officially the Pope is banned from the UK because of the dodgy 'God's Banker' business of 1982.
This saw Roberto Calvi's body found hanging under London's Blackfriars Bridge shortly after a massive P2 Lodge bank heist on a London-based trust portfolio.
Two weeks earlier Pope JP2's apostolic visit to the UK had seen the Head of Special Branch spitting venom as PM Mrs Thatcher refused an arrest warrant agaist the suspected mob.
Nobody has ever been charged with any Vatican crimes and many of the usual suspects subsequently became UK Prime Monster: John Major, Tony Blair, Gorgon Brown and David Cameron.
This week the official Terror Alert is being raised to maximum as the very real possibility of something foul taking place in Edinburgh closes in on red top headlines.
Camilla Fucker-Proles is a very silly bitch.