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Monday, 13 September 2010

image for Doggie Dux to begin Ph.D at the Royal Dick
tonight, Abbey, you will be Ethel Merman

The Royal (Dick) School of Veterinary Medicine is located in Edinburgh. It is part of the University of Edinburgh.

This name is not a reference to the Skoob appendage or any of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth's male relatives Royal Dick

Now that's cleared up and the comic book singers at thespoof.com have stopped choking on their pints, shall we make some progress?

Professor I.A.M. McMuttley, head of Canine Capers at the prestigious university, is fullsome in his praise of his new colonial student, Abbey Gaile.

"She brings a smile to us all and shows tremendous application to her studies. A tin of Pedigree Chum enhances her senses and we swell with pride at her renditions of all our Scottish standards. Her vibrato howl has a haunting quality, rarely heard in Scotland. We are indeed, extremely fortunate to have such a diligent scholar in our midst. Following her Dux award at the Subo Uni, there was huge competition to enrol Abbey from several prestigious universities."

"Her unique howl, somewhere between the pibroch, the bagpipes and a barely living, shrieking, haggis squeezed to near extinction by a number 101 bus from Aberdeen to Inverurie, is well suited to the Scottish music she is murdering. She is performing well above expectations."

Asked how Abbey would complete a written dissertation, Prof. McMuttley explained that his prize mutt would be exempt and would compile a comprehensive, audio visual masterpiece that had been commissioned by the Royal School of Music in Glasgow.

The professor was awaiting his first hearing of the Abbey adaptation of the classic Susan Boyle standard, "Memory."

"All goes well until Abbey knows Susan is going to sing, "a streetlamp sputters", then Abbey is off to do a whizz on the nearest lamppost, I hear," smiled Professor McMuttley.

"We think Simon Cowell wants Abbey for his new "Transatlatic US/UK's Not Got Much Talent" show."

"I can't wait to see Abbey peeing from a great height on Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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