As Head of the Church of England, or Top Gal as the Archbishop of Canterbury cheerfully refers to her, the Queen is worried about a load of Papal bull about to descend on her territory.
'He comes here endangering our young boys , and even girls. This celibated man is having this trip on us. He should know that young boys are off limits.'
A Spokesman for the Pope said he was distressed by the Queen's tone. 'Here she is, a woman impersonating one of the many queens in our church and lecturing us about sex. We know all about sex and our priests are having nothing to do with it. The illnesses you can get from that pastime are well known. How could we preach to others if we had venereal disease for instance.'
'Wear a condom' shouted an unruly member of the crowd meeting the Pope. 'Wear a condom and help to save the planet.'
The Pope was not amused. 'You ask me here and insult me. Your king Henry VIII has a lot to answer for.'
At this a visually trembling Duke of Edinburgh leapt to his dearests side. 'Really, you Polish prick, control your language,'
'That was the last Pope you stupid old fart' replied the Pope 'I'm from the Hitler Youth'
'Oh' stuttered Philip 'I'm sorry. Welcome to our shores. We have much in common.'