Written by Nick Carr
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Topics: Ricky Hatton

Monday, 13 September 2010

image for Ricky Shat-On
Ricky Hatton

Ricky Hatton's nightmare week has gone from bad to worse after falling victim to what seems to be a targeted fecal attack by a flock of seagulls.

Once famed for his British Bulldog approach to fighting in the ring, the celebrated 'Hitman' is now perhaps better known as the 'Shitman' after this bizarre incident in which a flock of at least 40 seagulls seem to have worked together in evacuating their bowels directly onto Hatton from a great height.

The scene was luckily 'craptured' by an eagle-eyed by-stander and uploaded to popular video website YouTube. Upon viewing, ornithologist Derek Finch branded the incident 'very fishy' and explained how he has never encountered such a phenomenon before:

'This is absolutely unheard of. For a flock of seagulls to plan and implement such a stunt indicates a much greater mental capacity than previously thought of. We know of certain groups of more intellectually developed animals using a singular object as a 'urination point'; that happens throughout the animal kingdom. Perhaps in this case Mr. Hatton is serving the same purpose. Except with shit.'

Whatever the reason behind this avian crapocalypse, it must have left Hatton, marred in recent days by a cocaine scandal, wishing it were only egg on his face.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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