Written by shea lo
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Topics: Nick Clegg, Pakistan

Sunday, 12 September 2010

image for Nick Cleggstatic with Pak Prez assurance that flood-aid distribution system is fool-proof. "I am the fool so there's your proof", says Mr. 10% Zardari.

Playing good cop to DaveCam's recent bad cop routine, Deputy Pretend PM Nick Clegg just back from his Pak-flood trip says he has been fully-assured by PM Mr. 10% Zardari that Pakistan has put in place a fool-proof system for flood-aid distribution.

Speaking in Dutch and Spanish(?) to his fresh-off-the-boat Pakistani supporters in a kebab shop in North London Clegg demonstrated his government's full and unconditional support for Pakistan in its time of need.

To a question from self-exiled Musharraf - who co-incidentally lives above the said kebab shop and had "only dropped in to pick up 2 donair platters", Clegg said it was "vitally important for us to completely support the civilian administration of Pervez Kayani"

When reminded that Kayani was the Army chief, Clegg turned a fascinating shade of puce-magenta, quickly recovered and in his best RP corrected himself: "I meant the civilian administration of Pervez Musharraf".

To which the self-exiled ex-Army Chief turned President in uniform turned 'civilian' democratic President without his uniform now hiding in London, clicked his heels and saluted: "Yes Sir and I am 200% he" - causing Clegg to flee into a nearby M&S where he was seen cowering between the prawn mayonnaise rolls and fruit cocktail section twitching & muttering "Damn those names - they all sound the same. Kill Clouseau".

Back in Islamabad Pak officials played down Clegg's faux pas although Army officials couldn't help brandishing wide toothy smiles. 'Civilian' Prez Zardari stood by his announcement going a step further to assure all his friends in Britain that he was a man of his word.

"Look no further", he said. "When I said fool-proof I meant it. I am the fool so there's your proof".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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