Manchester - (Gonads): Bang go the red top story sale aspirations of over a dozen bottom-feeder sluts.
Today's privacy affidavit bloodbath at the High Court has quashed yet more lurid confession paycheck attempts.
Mancunian hookers-turned wannabe WAGs 'Sadist Sadie', 'Lezzie Liz' and their scavenging, barefaced cheek pals were gagged with injunctions under the Human Frights Act.
Lawyers acting for Wayne and Coleen say judicious cattleprodding of the gimme-gimme tarts had seen off most of their sordid claims - including some potentially hideous video footage.
This week the Man U and England striker's shenanigans rocked the football-loving nation amid a groundswell of support for 'wronged' wife Coleen.
While not quite in the Tiger Woods league Rooney has nevertheless upped the ante in the Premiership's offside shagging rule.
A bit of tongue-in-cheek from Sir Alex Ferguson has satisfied fellow team mates that a mild wrist-slap is all that's needed.
Chelsea captain John Terry is 69.