Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Topics: Wayne Rooney

Friday, 10 September 2010

image for Rooney begs Coleen for one more chance
A mobile which probably contains several pictures of whores doing rude things.

In an emotionally charged late night phone call, Wayne Rooney is understood to have pleaded with his soon to be ex-wife, Coleen, to give him one more chance.

Friends reported that Rooney had begged her to allow him to meet up with hookers at Rio Ferdinand's gaff just one more time. Rooney is said to be dead keen on having his first foursome, which friends say will involve an OAP, two tarts in their 40s and a St Bernard dog.

Meanwhile, Rooney has been approached by new sponsors in a move which could see him promoting new goods and services. These are understood to include Durex, KY Jelly, Saga Holidays and the Merseyside Sexually Transmitted Diseases Service.

Also, it has been revealed that it was not Rooney who sent Coleen the terrible text message, informing her of his escapades. A friend said "Wayne can't even spell his own fucking name, let alone some of them long words what were in that text".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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