David Cameron's, adviser, Andy Cloussot, has been given the job of getting to the bottom of phone hacking allegations.
'As editor of the News of the World and driver of investigative journalism at the paper you must know how this system operates' advised Nick Clegg, standing in for David who is on compassionate leave.
Cloussot, famed for his detective skills, has been studying reports that former journalists at the NOW have asserted that the editor knew all about illegal phone tapping and encouraged it to get strong stories.
Cloussot has concluded this could not be true otherwise he would have known about it. 'I think some people may have misunderstood me when I said I had a hacking cough. This was not code to journalists to hack into phones in the public interest, it was a throat infection. My Doctor can verify this.
'Everyone knows all about David Beckham through the paper and he spoke openly to us on a number of occasions. Sometimes we may have heard a word or two whilst outside his door waiting for an interview, but to get illegal access to his phone was not required. The journalists never told me that there was widespread hacking going on because no one knew about it. One heard rumours but in journalism we know that is not enough. I will talk to anyone, including Chief Constable Murdoch, about this.'
So there we have it. The plain ungarnished truth from the horses mouth. Neigh Neigh Neigh.