Wayne Rooney's career may be taking an unexpected turn. Today David Cameron and his ventriloquist "dummy", Nick Clegg, offered him a role in the new coalition government.
"It makes perfect sense to us" Said Cameron - as he repeatedly beat Nick Clegg about the face with a baseball bat, trying to wipe the smug grin off the Lib Dem "leader's" face. "Wayne is at his best when he is playing a central role - without being forced into action on the left or the right, but he is able to make unexpected moves in either direction to wrong foot the opposition. Surely that is what the new politics is all about."
Nick Clegg nodded his agreement, as always:"Now his footballing career seems to be on the wain" (He waited for applause at this pun - none came)"Politics is the obvious next move."
Asked if it wasn't a little bit odd that Rooney would be a government minister, Cameron replied: "No stranger than Nick Clegg being Deputy Prime Minister."