London - (Hawkeye News): Security funding for former Prime Monsters who make money from peddling their own rackets must be paid for privately a House of Commons select committee said today.
Citing the example of Margaret Thatcher's own successful extortion racket - think gerry-Adams-mandering with knobs on! - the committee wants to end the ludicrous gravy train of post-No 10 handouts.
Deputy Met Commissioner Yates of the Yard told MPs today that police resources were already stretched nannying daftass scoungers like Princess Beatrice and Eugenie.
The royal and diplomatic police protection racket was also being tarnished by having to give cover to feckless old bastards like Blair and his nearby neighbor ex-Pakistan PM Pervert Musharraf.
"And don't get me started about providing cover for Cherie's ludicrous shopping trips," Yates pleaded.
"Besides, it's entirely Parliament fault that she's not already behind bars which, as we all know, provides relatively effortless maximum security."
John Major is a 9/11 bastard.