Written by IainB
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Monday, 6 September 2010

image for Hurricane Earl causes chaos in the UK
Blackburn's wind farm had to be shut

Hurricane Earl, the Atlantic storm system has caused chaos across the Atlantic in the UK. The West Coast of the UK has been battered by wind speeds of up to sixty miles an hour dislodging roof tiles and blowing over cones on the M6.

It was the latter of these that caused traffic on the M6 to come to a complete stand still, disrupting several hundred commuters trips to work on Monday morning. Matrices were set to forty miles an hour, but nobody was doing that as the above average breeze also slowed traffic across the Thelwall Viaduct and Barton Bridge.

Away from the motorways it was no easier either, with wheelie bins awaiting for Monday collection being knocked over and strewing refuse across the byways and highways. In Wigan, the Wigan Pier Garden Gnome exhibition had to be shut with the exhibits being knocked off their display toadstools left right and centre.

"I don't know how we're going to repair all the damage," said exhibition organiser Monica Hallway. "Some of the gnomes have been cracked, there's hundreds of pounds worth of damage. I'm not sure our insurance will pay out."

In Blackpool, one lucky individual escaped death by millimetres when a small wooden fence blew over as he was passing.

"I was feared for me life," he said. "You expect stuff like this in Afghanistan, not Blackpool."

In Blackburn, electricity supplies were put at risk when the windfarm on the hills above Nelson had to be braked due to the high winds or risk having them broken.

Rob McElwee, the BBC's chief weatherman, wishes to reassure the people of Britain: "These high winds are the tail end of Hurricane Earl. We are feeling barely a quarter of what they are suffering in Florida, and it will only last a couple more days."

His words did not placate the Oswald family of Accrington. "Two more days of this? I can barely open me front door," Lee Oswald told reporters.

However, his son, Harvey, has had an unexpected extra day of his school holidays as his school couldn't open due to the highwinds knocking over the aerial for the staffroom television, and has spent the day flying a kite. He is expected to come down somewhere near Todmorden.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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