Written by Herr Riballs
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Topics: Sex, Bobby Charlton

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Former Manchester United favourite, Bobby Charlton, has today found himself at the centre of an astonishing SEX scandal.

The news is further set to rock the football world, following a string of revelations that high profile overpaid stars have indulged in STEAMY sex romps.

Comb over

Soccer chiefs are said to be seething at the conduct of the 70 year old ex player after It emerged that Mr Charlton has NEVER had an affair in his life, has been a loyal husband for 49 years and only ever had sex with his wife. Governing body FIFA insisted after the World Cup that ALL current and ex professionals should end up in the Sunday tabloids for involvement in affairs with prostitutes or lapdancers. At the very least, players were expected to post naked mobile pictures of themselves to young girls. The ruling was introduced to deflect attention away from Englands dismal tournament showing. However, it is the lack of sleaze surrounding Mr Charlton's private life that has caused embarrassment and consternation. People are talking about events on the pitch again and not off it. Luckily, Rooney has saved their blushes by getting into the papers for enjoying secret trysts with a £2000 a minute hooker.

In a bold bid to implicate Mr Charlton in a sex scandal, it has been leaked that the FA employed the services of a young escort who was intended to act as a honey trap.

Savage

Model and part time dancer Kayleigh Gold-Digger, 19, said "I'd never heard of my target but was told he was some football star from years ago. I went over and seductively asked if he would like me to perform a sex act for him. Bizzarely, he asked if I knew any Danny La Rue stand up routines. I'd never heard of him so I did a very passable Lily Savage instead. I tried all the tricks I knew but he was having none of it. He just kept saying he wasn't interested. He then just left me there and went home to his wife to run her a bath. He's a rat."

Devastated Kayleigh revealed that she has now given up on the idea of finding fame by taking her clothes off and having sex with footballers. She instead plans to go to University after achieving 36 A stars in her A level exams.

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