Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Jeremy Paxman

Sunday, 5 September 2010

image for Jeremy Paxman changes name to Jeremy Taxman and charges politicians 20% of earnings to come on his show
BBC Studios, home of the Paxman/Taxman

In another cost-cutting exercise the BBC, it has been announced that Newsnight presenter and bane of all politicians Jeremy Paxman will take a 20% cut in salary, which he must make up elsewhere. He has already revealed plans to change his name to Jeremy Taxman and charge politicians 20% of their salary for coming on his show and being made to look an arse.

Most politicians are terrified of Paxman/Taxman. One former Minister revealed how the interviewer frowned, curled his lip contemptuously at him, leaned forward, sighed with exasperation and said "ye-e-e-e-s" like Mister Burns from the Simpsons, as if he didn't believe him. "I was lying through my teeth", said the MP, "but I don't know how Paxman knew I was lying. The following week, I lost my constituency seat and the police arrested me for fraudulent expense claims. It was all because of Paxman."

Paxman/Taxman will require all guests to file a return showing their income from all sources, so that he knows how much to charge them. Anyone who is late paying his guest fee will suffer a penalty and interest. Guests who have second jobs that pay them extra, such as directorships, will be charged 40% of their income.

Ye-e-e-e-e-e-s.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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