Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 5 September 2010

image for Local Man Reduced To Jibbering Wreck After A Walk up The Shops
Is That you Frankie?

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was recovering quietly at home this afternoon, after a walk up the shops to buy more beer left him a quivering, jibbering wreck, hopelessly consumed by a prolonged bout of hysterical laughter - otherwise known as 'pissing himself.'

Shuttlecock, 22, and a proper handsome devil, with his pork pie hat, muscular frame, and chick slaying deviant sexuality revealed that the trouble started after he'd decided more beer was in order, as it was his second Spoofday - meaning that he's been penning bullshit articles for satirical website theSpoof.com for a full two years.

Under a variety of aliases and nom de plumes.

It seems that the trouble started when he saw a parked car, with the registration plate V4 GNA.

"Well," he said. "That started me off. You see, it looked just like VAGINA and reminded me of the time I was a Bolivian Colonel called Juan Two and wrote about sexy Russian spy Anna Chapman's big ginger drippy vagina. I just had to laugh at that. It was too much of a coincidence."

A chuckling Shuttlecock then noticed that two cars parked nearby had the licence plates 'VUV U2LA' and 'UP D8RSE' which reminded him of the time when he was writing as Monkey Woods about vuvuzelas being stuck up people's arses.

"Nearly had a fuggin' fit I did," Shuttlecock laughed. "It was a right proper royal arse mess, though I say it myslef."

Shuttlecock then went on to spot a police patrol car with the licence plate "BRG1S TRYH0L" and an ambulance with the plate "B1G C0CK"

By which time, Shuttlecock was on the verge of hysterical collapse. He did however make it up to the shop, and was standing in line with his beer at the checkout when he was accosted by a mystery man waving a sword about and announcing that he was Abel Zorro, famous from a theSpoof.com magazine series about Teenage Mutant Hoody Zombie Killers From hell or somesuch.

By which point, Shuttlecock could barely contain himself any longer. Having paid for his beer - still more or less intact - he was leaving the store when he spotted a man with a ray gun who looked vaguely like Rod Serling out of the Twilight Zone on the telly, cutting bits out of the magazines on display with a pair of scissors.

"Hi, I'm Bureau, the snippet king," the man said. "And I don't show up for just anybody. You're lucky. It's your Spoofday, mine too, so we're almost twins."

The snippet king then continued to feverishly cut up magazines with his sharp scissors, as Shuttlecock started to lose control, and bend at the waist as the laughter took hold.

As he attempted to leave the store, doubled up with laughter, he was supported by a lady who said "Got yourself in a right proper royal arse mess there, haven't you matey. I'll hold you up for a second..."

But Shuttlecock wasn't having any of it. Staggering away from the scene, he was accosted by a tall skinny man who asked him:

"My names Dean - do you know where I can buy some shoes?"

By now, on the verge of hysterical collapse, Shuttlecock finally gave up the ghost and collapsed in convulsions as he saw a man with a really bad wig, and another man with such massive feet that it was almost unbelievable, and who could barely walk because those plates o' meat were virtually unmanageable.

Long suffering wife Anne, picked Shuttlecock up off the street in her Renault Kangoo which she bought to transport all the crap she buys off E-bay in.

"He's a fucking idiot," she said. "Don't laugh - you'll only encourage the silly bastard."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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