With steam blasting from his every orifice, Conservative Foreign Secretary Willian Hague has vehemently denied that he is gay, a sure bet that he is as bent as a nine bob note in my book! Meanwhile, Willys (sic) 'special' advisor, Christopher Myers has done a 'Captain Oates' and quit while the going is good...another sure sign that there is indeed a 'coalition' in operation.
Meanwhile, Dave Cameroon and Clegghorn Foghorn, the conjoined Prime Ministers, have decided to lay low for awhile and have cancelled all scheduled engagements on Hampstead Heath, much to the annoyance of George Michael who had cancelled a world tour to attend a promised threesome. When finally located by our reporter lurking behind the toilets on Hampstead Heath having a hand shandy, George Michael was asked how he felt about Mr Hagues announcement. Frantically zipping his fly and close to tears as he caught his foreskin, George sobbed: "The feckin' little slaphead bitch, why doesn't he just admit he is a fruit and done with it, by denying his sexuality he is only prolonging the agony and indirectly denying me my promised threesome with Davey and Nicky!"
Mr Michael then brushed our reporter aside,staggered to his motor vehicle, climbed in and accelerated out of the Heath running over a couple of Nuns and two lesbians before speeding off into the sunset with a spliff stuck up his left nostril.
With rumours rife that Ffion Hague may also be 'gay' Kay Burley has purchased a large bottle of mint mouthwash in anticipation of a good time when they have a girlie night in!