Written by Piglet
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Topics: Animals

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

image for Look at this thing
Have you seen 'The Thing'?

Many people are suddenly leaping up onto their beds and shouting "Look at this thing!" lately - and it is all down to 'The Thing'.

A woman was terrified at the sight that greeted her as she awoke this morning, but once she remembered to put on her make-up she calmed down.

But after that fright, the little old lady, Alice Gringwald, 82, from No.25 Pullover Close, said she was boiling the kettle to make her morning cup of hot Ribena when she noticed something queer in the corner.

"It was about yay high and as thick as my ankle", she said, "and it wasn't my wooden leg".

Others in the community shared their experiences of 'The Thing'.

"It can walk up walls. And burn toast", said a man in his early thirties.

"It limbo dances and listens to Billy Ocean records at top volume", said an expectant mother.

"I wish it never existed. It's ruined my life", sobbed the local baker.

Rumpty-pumpety.

The local amateur photography club has been busy taking pictures but, due to a funding crisis, their camera's contained no film.

"It's a crying shame", said one.

"I wish I went digital", said two.


The creature answers to the name 'Harold'.
Yes, the very name sends a shiver down my spine.

Oink oink.

It apparently lives in either the local swamps of the shopping centre, gets it's laundry dry-cleaned at Mrs. Bridges' and drives a Toyota Yaris.

"It is evil incarnate", said local mystic, Barbara Nutter, "but it is relatively polite when you meet it in the street. ..or so I'm told. By the spirits that live in my garden gnome, Thomas".


Oink oink

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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